Why are we so full of restraint? Why do we not give in all directions? Is it fear of losing ourselves? Until we do lose ourselves there is no hope of finding ourselves.
--- Henry Miller
Today, as I celebrate my nation's freedom, I also celebrate my ability to share my voice with the world. I celebrate my ability to choose my words and not have them chosen for me, like the Brazilian blog, Repiquete no Meio do Mundo. Last year the Brazilian government forced the blogger to remove a picture of senate candidate Jose Sarney from his blog. Today, Google agrees to censored searches in China. It's not a free world, and the reminders are everywhere, even in the blogosphere.
I would imagine that to a degree, most of us censor ourselves on our blogs. Perhaps it's a family member or friend we know to be a reader we don't wish to offend. Or maybe, we fear the ramifications within the blogosphere. What is it we fear?
I started blogging for many reasons, and while I am thrilled to call myself a blogger, I knowingly, frequently, and willingly censor myself. It's not that I want to say hateful things. I don't. I'm afraid of exposing myself in a way that will be judged by my readers, my family, my friends, and this club I've entered as a Mommy Blogger. Because it's a great club, but I think there are rules. I've entered into a dialogue with these bloggers, and what if I pulled out and turned it into a monologue for a while? One that gave no heed to conventions, but just stretched my cramped writing muscle and went its own way for a while? No check-ins with the daughter's ADD progress, no mention of the house sale. Just maybe a story or a poem with no further explanation.
But I doubt I'll do that on my blog. Somewhere else, maybe. For the most part, I've kept it safe, dropping a few expletives here and there in reference to toilet cleaning or homework. Sometimes I've crossed into edgy territory as I tentatively explore competition among women and mothers, but then I quickly lighten up the next day. Maybe with a funny link, or quote from the kids. I'm holding myself back, and I don't have to.
My question to you, while you take a break from watermelon and sparklers, or perhaps a day stuck at work, is do you censor? Why? What would you say if you knew you could say anything without consequence?
Jennifer Magnuson
Get in the Car!
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
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13 comments:
Good question. :)
I definitely censor at times. It is out of consideration for the sensibilities of people who might come by to read. I try to avoid aggressive or angry language (even in relation to George Bush, which is bloody amazing, even if I say so. :) I try to avoid foul language.
There are also certain things I've discovered along the way that I should have censored and didn't. Going beyond my own blogging boundaries left me feeling too exposed and too vulnerable. That, in turn, caused me to overreact in other areas.
In so many ways, it's a constant learning process ~ finding out what feels okay to discuss and what doesn't.
Peace,
~Chani
I don't think I censor, really - except for stuff that I think is too boring (and even that I usually publish). I've figured out that when I feel nervous about a post, usually that means it will be one that gets a big response.
Jennifer, this is really interesting. I never thought about it quite like that but,yes, I censor. I have adult children and I don't write anything that, if they ever read my blog (my family does not know I am blogging),would strike them as an invasion of their privacy. Ditto for my husband.
And I think I write happier than I am -- more little jokes and tags and I am certainly more coherent in writing than I am in real life. But that's a form of self censorship that I have done all my life -- I was taught very young that I had to seem happy. It's almost automatic now to do that.
"What would you say if you knew you could say anything without consequence?"
I think if you say something aloud, in writing or speech, there are consequences. If you blog and you enjoy readers and comments, you write to get them. And so the kinds of posts that don't get comments are less likely to be repeated. I censor myself to avoid harm to others, to avoid unpleasantness, to evoke a warm reaction. Sometimes, even, because I don't like myself and so I cut the thoughts and words off.
That's maybe not the best way to be, but that's what I am.
Oh, God, yes.
There is a whole portion of my life about which I cannot write -- mainly having to do with my family of origin -- because it's been made clear to me that I will be disowned if I do. No joke.
It feels weird and wrong.
There's a lot about me that would be so much easier for you to understand if you all had some context.
But you will not have that context, and that means it will be that much harder for you to get to know me as I really am.
I do not lie on my blog. But sometimes in the gaping hole caused by forced omission, it feels that way.
I'd spill it all if I could. And perhaps I will someday, when some of the players in my life have shuffled off this mortal coil.
I absolutely censor.
At first it was only for those "real life" people who might happen upon my blog. Now it is more about not offending those who I have met here in the blogoshpere. I even censor comments now, because i recently took someone else's comment on another blog the wrong way. I think (hope) everything is resolved, but now i am very careful not to offend anyone as well as not to get offended by things not directed at me personally.
As far as hot topics or political issues go i am a chicken. Mostly because i fear that i don't know enough and will come off like a total ignoramus.
Yes, I do. I actually just blogged about why I won't discuss legal topics on my blog. I also won't discuss certain things about my marriage out of respect for my husband and our marriage. I also watch what I say about family because my friends and family read my blog.
If there were no one reading my blog and, therefore no repercussions, I'd have a hell of a lot more to say about some topics. But no one would be listening.
I think my last post on here touched on this subject.
I just try not to think about it, to tell the truth. If I think a story is good enough to tell, I do.
It's alienated some people, sure, but you have to ask yourself - then is it really your audience you're blogging for, and not yourself? Because we talk to ourselves without censorship.
Slouching Mom, you realize you are going to have to create a totally anonymous blog now and fill in the gaps. And tell some of us the blog URL. I kid, but I know exactly what you mean. Probably we have vastly different things we're omitting, but I understand that chasm of the unsaid. I think many blogs have the same void, and we construct the identity of each blogger based on what we're given.
I agree with Lawyer Mama. I started out thinking I'd remain totally anonymous, and therefore be able to write without consideration for who may be reading, but I realized with no one reading, it was lonely, and then, why blog? I could continue writing for myself, but If I'm publishing it to the world, I have to hold some things back. I actually wanted the give and take, the community, more than the lack of accountability.
Out of respect for myself and my family, I censor out certain subjects.
If it feels at all uncomfortable to me or if I fear it could harm someone else I don't write about it.
I'll take personal risks for myself, and I do regularly on my blog. I can come out with some crazy stuff. I mind-dump tons into my blog that I rarely (if ever) even say out loud to people corporeally.
But, I also know that writing is a degree of permanence and blogs are public so if I write in anger, I make it sit for a day, and I keep careful boundaries about writing about others.
I have blogged about why I won't blog about certain things, such as marriage and family.
Some things I don't blog about---from the past---because in some cases it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. I think I drop enough clues that it provides adequate context.
It does leave the question why I am so able to talk about kids and not marriage. I tried to explain that in the blog post on that topic, but a commenter (karen of needs new batteries) said it really well for me:
"If I thought it would lend strength to our marriage, I'd probably talk/blog more about it, but I don't think it would, whereas parenting is just the opposite."
Yes, yes. I censor myself. My boss reads my blog, my husband reads my blog, and I hope that my kids will read it one day also. So, yes, I censor myself.
I'd like to think that, although I do not exercise full and complete disclosure, I am 100% genuine in what I choose to disclose. Which is exactly who I am in real life.
I am an honest, forthright, sincere person; and, I have many friends. However, there are only four people in this entire world who really know me...warts, cherry blossoms, and all. One of those people is my husband. He has known me for almost 18 years and I could still surprise him. Because I have omitted some details about myself, censored myself, even with him.
I censor myself every day, with everyone. Sometimes it is appropriate to splay my guts, reveal my deepest secrets; however, sometimes doing such a thing would be unhealthy, even destructive.
Can we practice discretion, censor ourselves, and still be genuine? Absolutely. Can we damage ourselves and others by blazing through life with "Elective Tourette's Syndrome?" Absolutely.
This was interesting, and the comments too, since I am new to blogging, and figuring out what it means to me, and what I have to say, and who I want to read it (I've just started telling friends about it, and yesterday, my husband. Me, nervous. Him: "oh")
I do censor to a point. I'm still new to this and I'm feeling my way around. My daughter also likes to read my blog. Babygirl is 16 and at 8 she read at a 12th grade level and comprehension.I havent censored her reading since 14. However, my most interesting experiences and mistakes were made when I was her age. Do I want her to know? No. Does she want to know about what her Dad and I talk about (or do)? No. the novelty of Mom blogging will wear off and she'll move on (or just grow into adult womanhood) and then all hell will break loose!
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